Lost in the Current

My headphones blasted heavy rock music in my ears, blocking out any conversation my Uber driver tried to start. He drove as smoothly as he could, but the dirt roads seemed to have invisible bumps everywhere. After a long drive, we pulled in front of a little blue house. There was a big birch tree with a tire swing out front. The porch was decorated with rainbows of flowers and had four chairs surrounding a table. My grandpa stood behind the table at the grill. Steam rose in the air, making little swirls that reminded me of magic. 

Grandpa whirled around as I shut the car door. “Hey there, sugar! Come give me some love!” He flung his arms open and wobbled towards me.

I threw my bag over my shoulder and ran into his arms, embracing his warmth. He showed me he was cooking up some burgers for dinner, then let me go inside. My grandma was in the kitchen, baking up a batch of her famous cookies. She shrieked when she saw me, running to me like a drunk college girl does when she sees her friend. I nearly jumped into her arms as she kissed my cheeks and squeezed me so hard I thought I was going to break. 

“Oh, I’ve missed you, Grace! Look how tall you’ve gotten!” She gasped and gave me another hug. She looked at my bags, which had now fallen to the floor. “Do you want to put your stuff upstairs? And then of course come tell me everything new about you! We have a lot to catch up on!”

She was right about that. I hadn’t seen my grandparents in years. I remember when my family and I lived across the street from them. Coming here brings back so many memories. My grandpa smells of the same pinecone scent he’s always had. The front porch has always been decorated. And my grandma, even though she was more gray than I recall, still carried the same spirit I’ve known her to have. I wished we could have always stayed so close, but that was before my dad was arrested and we moved out of town, to “get away from the small talk,” as my mom put it. 

I walked past the living room. The sofa was the same- green and plump, the best place for naps. The TV in front of it was new to me, as well as the reclining chair and the coffee table. I walked up the staircase, with every other step creaking under me. I wouldn’t have thought I would remember which room was my dad’s, but it was like muscle memory had kicked in. My feet dragged me into the second bedroom door. His walls were still painted a sea green foam and decorated with surfing and jet skiing medals. Framed pictures of waves hung on the other wall, above his bed, which was neatly made. His bed was blue, matching the rest of his room perfectly. I put my clothes in his empty drawers and headed down the stairs for dinner. 

In the morning, I woke up before the sun was shining. I rubbed my eyes and reached for my phone. It was four. Voices carried from the kitchen to my dad's room. I crept down the stairs, hugging my dad's oversized t-shirt that I found in his closet close to me. Goosebumps ran up my arms as the air filled with joy. My grandpa was singing along to some old western music. My grandma was roasting a pot of coffee. 

Grandpa laid eyes on me. He took my arms and started swaying them, having me dance with him. I laughed, and he said, “Good morning, sugar!” He laughed with me, twirling me around and around like a tornado. Then, he let go, dancing away. 

“What are you guys doing?” I laughed again. 

“We’re going fishing! It’s just the perfect weather! I was just about to come wake you with some breakfast in bed.” Grandma clapped her hands. “Now sit down and eat, young lady.” 

Grandma made a feast of fried eggs, buttered toast and jam, bacon, sausage, coffee, and orange juice. She cut up a little fruit bowl and packed most of it to go in a huge snack bag, as well as other delicious foods. Grandpa howled down the breakfast, and kept saying we needed to hurry if we wanted to catch the sunrise. Grandma ordered me to go change as she cleaned up our feast. I slipped on a black bathing suit, some Jean shorts, and a blank tank top. I went to grab my sweatshirt, but then at the last minute decided to look in the closet. I grabbed an old flannel of my dads and put it on. It was warm and it smelled like him, cinnamon flavors filled my nose. Being here, with my grandparents, with his stuff, made me feel so much closer to him. I packed a small bag of a few things I would need and rushed back down the stairs. We climbed into my grandpa's truck, which had already been loaded with rods, bait, nets, and all kinds of fishing gear. He pulled out of the driveway, not caring about avoiding any bumps in the road. 

After a few minutes, we pulled into this beautiful spot. The water was so clear, that the trees growing across the bay reflected back at them like a mirror. Little white houses sat behind the bay. They were covered by the trees, but each house had a private deck with a boat ported into it. Most of the boats were white fishing boats, but some were fancy and were definitely worth more than me. 

We walked the dock all the way down to where my grandpa keeps his boat. It was an older boat, definitely one of the oldest ones in the bay, but she was a boat. My heart rapidly thumped faster, pumping my veins with adrenaline. My grandpa laughed as he showed me what was painted on the side. Her name was “Seas the Day.” I giggled. He lifted my grandma on the boat, got on himself, then stepped on the ledge, holding the rope, and offered me a hand. I grasped it, and he pulled me onto the boat too. He untied the knots and we drifted away from the dock. 

We spent the day on the ocean. Grandpa mainly taught me about the different kinds of knots, or how to fish properly. Grandma played all kinds of tunes that sounded familiar to me, but I did not know the lyrics to. She flipped through some magazines, and would make sassy comments about grandpa. He’d roll his eyes in response, and make funny faces behind her back. At one point, grandpa and I took turns jumping into the water. We were out so deep, but I didn’t fear any sharks, I didn’t even think about sharks. I was too caught up in the moment, too distracted with the fun in my grandparents to think of any anxieties. I felt full of life, like the weight of a feather in the wind, something I hadn’t felt since I moved.

After a while, grandpa and I lay down on the boat. He closed his eyes immediately. I threw on some dark shades and lay back to tan. Only then I realized, these shades seemed too dark. I took off my sunglasses and looked up at the sky. Dark clouds painted across the sky. 

“Grandpa.” I almost whispered. 

“Hmm?” He didn’t open his eyes.

“Um. Is it supposed to rain today?”

He opened his eyes and sat up. Like clockwork, the wind began to pick up, and little droplets of rain fell on us. Grandpa stood up, and walked over to the wheel. The rain started to come down faster and faster each second. A loud boom shattered across the sky. 

“Now hold on!” Grandpa yelled. He didn’t seem scared.

I carried my grandma into the downstairs compartment. With her in there, I wouldn’t be able to fit down there. I told her to stay put. She reached out for me but I ran back up to the boat. Grandpa was almost back to the bay. Just a few more minutes. 

“Sugar! Get ready to-“

I never got to hear the rest of what he said. The boat had tilted downwards, then suddenly shot in the air, as a huge wave splashed over the side of the ship. All at once, I was knocked backwards and flung into the water. Salt filled my mouth, eyes, and nose. Muffled bangs surrounded me. Strong currents pulled me down, left, and right, dragging my body around like a rag doll. I flung forwards and forced my arms and legs to swim sideways. I kicked and kicked, feeling like a bag of rocks was dragging me down. At last, I reached the top of the water and gasped for air. Another wave smacked into my face, forcing me down with it. I somersaulted, swallowing buckets of ocean water. I pumped my legs again, and breached the surface. Between my chokes, I could hear that grandpa was screaming for me. I reached my hand up and let out a shout. Suddenly, I felt like a giant weight was dropped on my head, and everything went black. 

When I woke up, ocean water poured out of me like a waterfall. As soon as I got all the salt and fish pee out of my stomach, I sat up and opened my eyes. 

“Sugar? Are you okay? Can you hear us?” Grandpa stroked my hair. 

I opened my mouth to respond, but could only muster out a few laughs. The sky was beautiful; blue with hints of yellows, no signs of it ever storming. The trees were flourishing in their shades of green. The water, still clear, reflected some of the sky’s pretty shades. It was beautiful; I had never seen a view like it.  

“Sugar, I’m so sorry.” Grandpa’s hair was dripping, and his drenched clothes stuck tight to him. 

“He jumped in as soon as he realized you fell in. He almost drowned with you, but managed to get back on the boat. I was so terrified. So terrified I’d lose you.” Grandma 

My grandparents hugged and kissed me. They flung my father’s flannel over my shoulders, and I smiled as the breeze dried my wet hair. 

“Really. Truly. I’ve never been better.” I reassured them and lifted my face to a beam of sunlight. Peace shone over my face, covering me. I hugged my grandparents closer, my father’s pinecone-scented flannel filling my nostrils, and my feet making little ripples in the water as I dangled them off the dock. For once, I felt as if I were finally myself.

Emma Killeen is a student athlete at Kean University, where she studies psychology and plays field hockey. Her work draws in from personal experiences and stories that unfold around her. She brings emotional depth to her writing by focusing on the small details that bring her stories to life. This is her first publication.