The Things We Think But Never Say to a Stranger

To the brown curly-haired librarian, with the “she/they” pronoun pin

Who works so diligently at my university’s library 

Did you notice my new pixie haircut? The same way I noticed your shaved butch undercut?

Hey misses, I like your old school attitude

Late 30s, I’m guessing, hustling for your PhD

In what I can only imagine is the most fascinating thesis 

I wanna know just how many awful men you dated before you fond yourself?

Sorry, is it rude to ask? For me, it was three before I accepted my true sapphic self;

Alex, Matt, Cameron, before I found the lavender glow

Did you notice all the bell hooks books I check out during your shift?

Did you notice the scientifically placed package of dental dams that I put into my coach bag?

I was hoping you’d catch them while my quirky self awkwardly tumbled through my bag as I retrieved my student library card…

Do you like your fems with lots of piercings, or no piercings at all?

Did that little splash on glitter I painted on my cheekbone catch your dark hazel eyes?

Hiding underneath your thin-rimmed vintage reading glasses

Did you know that I thought about getting a gym membership at our college gym, hoping that you’d be there so I can get a glimpse of you just a little more?

I’ve never been good at sports, but look! I got these brand new pair of sneakers and a sports bra, because well, hopefully you’ll pick up on my signals

Ah mother! Oh sorry, was that too forward of me? Too weird?

I would never want to cross any of your boundaries 

I’m sorry if I made you feel even a little uncomfortable. I do not want to impose an internalized male gaze onto your beauty

Did you notice the Chappell Roan music I had playing quietly (but just strategically loud enough that you might hear it) from my vintage headphones that I thrifted off the internet?

Do you like my new earrings? I got them from a street vendor in Chinatown.

I know there’s something here… something more…

I know that you’re smart enough to ignore my “borderline personality disorder” diagnosis that the misogynistic doctors gave me when I was 18…

I just don’t want you, no us! To fall into the authoritarian regime of comp-het.

Taro Williams (he/they) is a multidisciplinary artist and writer raised in the east-end of Tkaronto/Toronto, the city he is now based in. His work explores themes of gentrification, queerness, and urban living. He is of Nikkei heritage(fourth gen Japanese Canadian) and has attended Rosedale Heights School of the Arts and Concordia University. William’s work has previously been published in School Schmool (2022, 2023), Ex-Puritian (2024), Auvert Magazine (2024), Moss Puppy Magazine issue 7: “The Boneyard”(2024), Your Impossible Voice (2024), and 100 Stories: Echoes of Empathy with the Asian Arts and Cultural Trust (2024). In his work, Williams aims to capture an honest expression of our current zeitgeist. He creates from the perspective of Gen Z, and aims to capture the emotional heaviness of the post-millennial generation, the most educated, diverse, and connected generation, yet, also a generation that is struggling within a culture of mass anxieties, economic insecurities, and an unstable future. Williams’ is currently split between both Tkaronto/Toronto and Tiohtià:ke/Montreal, two cities he calls home.